Chris Odlaug

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Chris was born during the bitter cold winter of 1983. It was a joyous occasion, but it was not to last. The empire's cruel overlord, Zoltar, forced Chris' parents to sell him into slavery at the age of 3 weeks. He toiled in the Deathberry fields of Kurltan for many months, quickly outgrowing his diaper made of woven reeds. At 11 months, he made a cunning escape by running when the guards weren't looking.

Upon his escape, however, he was attacked by a pack of ravenous Timberwolves. He fought with them for days, and eventually won their respect and was accepted into the pack. Many years passed by, and the wolves raised Chris as one of their own, living in the harsh jungles of western Washington. Over the years, they taught him History, Algebra, and how to chase down and eat a Gazelle. They unfortunately forgot to teach him Geography or Creative Writing.

Soon it was time for him to leave the pack, so he ate a bird and absorbed its power, then took to the skies. He flew eastward, and soon spotted a level field to land in. However, it turned out to be the quadrangle of a liberal arts university. He was trapped there for 4 short years, gathering useless knowledge and storing it in his grey and mighty brain.

Once the ordeal was over, he ran back to the west, eager to tell his pack brothers of what had transpired. His eagerosity quickly turned to hatredness, however, when he discovered that they had been taken prisoner by the very same fiend who had imprisoned him when he was a toddler, Zoltar.

He fought his way past Level 5 Goblins and Level 8 Orcs, equipped with his trusty +2 Broad Sword that he found lying on the ground over there by that ditch just now. When he finally reached Zoltar, he was shocked to discover that the emperor he had battled against was not a man, but a machine. Zoltar's name was, in fact, an acronym which stood for Zounds! Oh, Look There! A Robot! Chris wasted no time, and destroyed it with a logical fallacy: "Jam is refridgerated. Peanut Butter is not." ZOLTAR exploded with a thunderous blast, and the land was safe once again.

The preceding record of events is guaranteed* true.

*Not a guarantee.